sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
