Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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