If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
