Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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