did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
