hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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