No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
