:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
