Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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