Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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