i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
