i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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