I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
