I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
