is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
