you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
