he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
