So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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