No, drunk sperm still make babies.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
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He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
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Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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