Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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