jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
