STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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