I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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