i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
