I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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