the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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