i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
