He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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