Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
