Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
