with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
