i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
