i just google imaged poop.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
