Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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