No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
a search helicopter?!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
