my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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