If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
