Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
