Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
