New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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