1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
