I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Houston, we have a squirter
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
