If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
