I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I need to calm my uterus...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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