Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
