Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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