so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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