im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
