and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
