Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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