"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
