can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
