He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
