this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
