He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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