I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
