y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
