I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
