don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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