So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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