When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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