He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
