Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
