So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
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my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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