I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
