so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I can't turn off my feet"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
