Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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