The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
