is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
