he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
