what day is it and did you see me today?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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