I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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