She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
