I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
