Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
