Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
