I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
and she was petting her beer can
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
