All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
