Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
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Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
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If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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