Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
