Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
