omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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