I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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