A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize