Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
