Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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